To rise above the fear of failures, we must first understand why do we have it? It all started when you and I were very young. People judged us based on a number or a rank. When you were a child you were judged based on your grades in the school and now you are judged based on your income in your profession.
Most of the time, the expectations from you, especially from people who are close to you, were that you should always be on the top of the rank.
Most people did not appreciate the fact that we have achieved a particular grade, but they scolded us, demotivated us, or sometimes punished us because we were below their expectations which they developed just by comparing us with other children.
It happened with us again and again and after a while, we start to protect ourselves. Based on these experiences, we develop a belief that it is bad to fail and that if we fail, people close to us will reject us or punish us.
At the same time, we start to have experiences of life where we again see that failure is seen as a thing to judge our status in the society.
We start to select the things where we are sure that we can do it. We avoid the things which we are not certain about. That is how we fall in this trap of the fear.
What can we do to rise above the fear of failure?
Fear of the failure is a habit. Although it is deeply rooted in our sub-conscious mind, we can rise above the fear. Because it is a learnt behaviour, we can replace it with the empowering one. It can be done in the same way as we learn it in the first place that is by repetitions.
It is a simple process, but not a easy one. It needs dedication and patience. What you are dealing with is a long-term habit which has become your ritual like brushing your teeth.
If you brush every day before going to bed, how do you feel if you missed it one day? It is uncomfortable, isn’t it?
It is uncomfortable for us to change a habit, either it is good or bad. Our mind stops us doing uncomfortable because that is the way it is wired.
The primary function of the mind is to make us survive so our mind stops us every time we do something it doesn’t know. But if you push it for long enough, mind accepts it as a new reality and this new behavior becomes your habit. It depends on individual emotion and willpower, but normally it takes 60 days of continuous effort to build a new habit.
There are 3 steps anyone can take to rise above the fear of failure.
Define what failure is to you.
Your words are your wand. How you define failure can have a huge impact on how failure affects your life. It can either make you stronger or it can break you.
The word “Failure” represents a negative aspect of a result. I personally never use the word “Failure”, instead I prefer experience. Experience is something which we earn by taking the risk, by experimenting with the unknown or by trying.
Every great achievement on this planet is the result of a long experience.
Next time, when you walk about so-called failure, be very cautious that you use another word such as learning, experience, or outcome. It will prepare your mind to learn from your mistakes.
Start small and one step at a time.
Fear of failure brings lots of other side effects such as low self-confidence, low self-esteem, and shyness. When you try to rise above the fear, actually you regain your inner strength.
Like our physical strength, our mental strength also builds slowly with continuous practice. At first, you lift small weights and then slowly increase it. After a year, you find that you are lifting more than your own body weight. It is a process and it needs discipline and patience.
To build your mental strength, you need discipline and patience with yourself and it is possible. I always recommend people to start with fixing your health. It is the thing you encounter almost every day.
Choose the small task which you find a little difficult to do such as waking up early in the morning, running, or going to the gym. Do it continuously for at least 30 days and then choose another task which is a little bit more difficult and continue doing it for another 30 days.
Repeat this process for few months. You will notice that your gain muscles and at the same time you are gaining confidence. It is the right time to move to other areas of your life such as work, relationship, or business.
Do not forget that there is no failure, just results and experience. When you fail, you know how to do it better next time.
Take action on your chosen field and watch it grow. These small victories will take you the life victory.
Choose your company very carefully.
Our company affects us the most. The people we live with, hang out with, work with, and play with have a huge impact on our mental state of being.
You need people who encourage you, motivate you, push you and stand with you. These people normally have common goals to grow, to become the best version of themselves. These kind of people have a positive influence on your life.
You have to stay away from what I call toxic people who always tell you what is wrong with the world, what you can or cannot do, or why you will fail if you try something new.
Sometimes, it is very hard to ignore some toxic people because they are either your family, colleague, or boss. In this case, you must find out the way to change this situation and until you do it, you must interact with them only when is needed.
If I tell you in simple words, these three steps can be summarised in one statement. Change your belief about how you see the failure, take action on the task you are afraid of starting with your health and be with the right people who share the same goals as you do. It is the ultimate proven system to rise above the fear.
In the end, I will finish with one last advice by Susan Jeffers, “Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway”.
To stronger you.